How To Overcome Negativity Bias In A Relationship
As a couples therapist in Manhattan Beach, I’ve helped intimate partners overcome conflicts and problems of all kinds – but sometimes, the most difficult things to overcome are those that we’re not even aware of. When it comes to relationships, one of those is the “negativity bias”: a cognitive bias that means much of the time, the human brain predicts and anticipates a negative outcome or event, even when there’s no reason to. Negativity bias is a problem for many and can be especially bad for those who have been in unhealthy or abusive relationships before. If you struggle with this in your own intimate relationship, here are a few things to keep in mind.
How to Counter Negativity Bias
For many people, negativity bias develops as a reaction to negative experiences in the past, and the process may start as early as childhood. Essentially, it occurs because when we have a bad experience with one person, we often assume that a bad experience is more likely with the next – and this can apply both to caretakers in childhood or to romantic partners in adulthood.
When we experience negativity bias in a romantic relationship, what often happens is that we assume a negative outcome before it actually happens, and often before we even have reason to believe it will turn out negatively. With that assumption in mind, the brain automatically seeks to defend itself from harm it experienced in the past, which means we may start to posture, defend, or protect ourselves from something that hasn’t even happened yet. To us, it feels intuitive because we’ve experienced harm in the past, but to a partner, it can come out of nowhere and cause problems in an otherwise strong relationship.
There are a number of ways to counter the negativity bias, but one of the most powerful is communication. Effectively communicating emotional needs is vital in any relationship, but it’s especially important if one or both partners experience negativity bias due to past trauma. Talk with your partner to understand how you both express love and what both of you need to feel loved, then work to ensure that both sides are getting what they need.
Contact Your Redondo Beach Couples Therapist
Communication is one of the most important tools for combating negativity bias, but in some cases, negativity bias and other aftereffects from past trauma or abuse may simply be too much to get through on your own. If that’s the case, I’m here. As a long-time couples therapist serving the greater Manhattan Beach area, I’ve helped countless couples work through issues in their current relationships by addressing trauma related to unhealthy or abusive relationships in the past. I strive to take a compassionate approach that creates space for both partners to feel heard and understood. You deserve a healthy, happy relationship in which you and your partner can both be your truest and best selves. Contact me today and let’s start working to get there.