Recipe For A Low-Stress Thanksgiving
Tips To Make Sure You Have A Great Holiday
Thanksgiving is supposed to be a holiday based around tradition and camaraderie. It is supposed to be a time when family can gather together, reflect on the year, and remember what they are truly thankful for. It’s supposed to be a time when family can come from near and far to eat and drink together; where new loved ones are introduced and embraced as one of the group. While some families can come together in harmony, others may experience holidays like Thanksgiving as a nightmare, full of family drama, political arguments, drunken relatives, and other mishaps that foster unhappiness instead of joy.
If you have a particularly challenging family, planning, hosting, or even attending Thanksgiving can be stressful. The good news is that just because family gatherings have been dysfunctional in the past does not mean that they always have to unfold like that. If you are finding yourself apprehensive about Thanksgiving this year, there are a few small things you can do to make a difference.
Embrace Your Differences
It’s no secret that family members have their quirks and these eccentricities are often especially prominent during the holidays. You might have a tactless grandfather who says inappropriate things at the table, an uncle who seems to get over-served during cocktail hour at every family event, or an in-law who butts heads with everyone. Just because this drama exists, it does not have to ruin the party. In fact, the very first Thanksgiving was a gathering of pilgrims and Native Americans who were not related or even friendly toward one another. Tensions were high, even hostile between the two groups. However, the Native Americans helped the pilgrims build shelter and taught them how to grow crops and hunt. The first harvest was hugely successful and a celebration was in order. The two groups had great differences in almost every aspect of life, but the common theme of survival was enough to overcome these differences and create a Thanksgiving tradition that is still ripe today. So this holiday season, instead of harping on the differences that are tearing the family dynamic apart, reflect on all that your family has overcome in the last year.
Do Your Homework
All of the quirks your family members possess did not suddenly appear overnight. It should not be news to you that your sister-in-law must be the center of attention or that your nephew cries every year when he doesn’t get what he wants. It should not be a surprise that your uncle is a back seat driver when it comes to preparing Thanksgiving dishes or that your grandma is notorious for saying inappropriate things. This year, instead of just hoping that these awkward moments do not occur, make an effort to avoid them. Here are some tips on how to accomplish this feat:
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Assign tasks, keep everyone busy
- No one likes to feel left out during the holidays. When everyone feels like an important, integral part of the team, everyone wins. Assign food dishes, tasks, chores and projects to everyone so that all are involved. It’s helpful to cater to people’s interests. If your aunt is famous for her apple pie, let her make it so she can have her moment in the spotlight. When people can focus on executing their assignments, the group as a whole works better.
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Invite guests
- Family members will, or at least will try, to act civilized in the presence of an outsider. Ensure that everyone is on their best behavior by inviting a guest or two. There are always people who are looking for an welcoming place to spend the holidays. These guests can act as a buffer from the normal drama that ensues this time of year.
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Take care of seating
- Let’s face it, like oil and water, certain things are not meant to mix. Over the years I am sure you have become very familiar with the unique dynamic of your family, so now you can use this awareness to your advantage. Knowing whom meshes best with whom allows you to plan accordingly and separate people who might trigger something dramatic. If there is a member of your family prone to being the catalyst for drama, sit them next to you so you can help put out any flames before they even start!
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Monitor alcohol
- This can be a tricky, if not daunting task. An abundance of alcohol might temporarily alleviate any tension, but it can also make things escalate quickly. As the host of the party, you are not required to have an endless supply of alcohol. Instead, provide a modest amount so nobody gets over-served.
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Include kids, but let them be kids
- While children love to be included and feel part of the team, no kid loves sitting at a dinner table for hours on end with a group of adults. Include the children as much as you can, especially in the preparation of the meal. However, when it comes time to eat, set up a kid’s table with entertaining toys, puzzles and games to keep them entertained.
No matter what unfolds this year at Thanksgiving or how crazy things get, remember that you are surrounded by family. No one wants to host or attend an unpleasant Thanksgiving. To avoid this, work together, create and cherish memories, and in the process teach your children the importance of togetherness.
About Dr. Kelly Mothner
To learn more about the services I offer click here. My office is centrally located in Hermosa Beach, California and I provide therapy and counseling services for children, teens, adults and couples in Manhattan Beach, Redondo Beach, El Segundo, Torrance and all over the South Bay area. Please feel free to contact me!