Raising an Emotionally Honest Man
As any parent can tell you, raising a child is a complicated process. It takes hard work, research, and a whole lot of love to raise a mature, emotionally stable, and well-rounded person. All too often, cultural norms and socializations that pervade wider society can actively fight against a good parent’s efforts.
This is particularly true in the case of boys. Long-standing stereotypes and cultural expectations can push boys into destructive, hypermasculine patterns of behavior and thought, and it takes care and consistent work from parents to counteract these tendencies and raise an emotionally honest man.
The Cost of Masculinity
While most of us are well aware of how destructive feminine stereotypes and the overall patriarchy of society can be, less attention is often given to the cost of masculinity – but the reality is, the costs are high. Men are socialized to push their emotions down and show a front of dominance and control, and – of course – to never, ever cry. But this hypermasculine mask is really just that: a mask. One with real consequences.
Asking men and young boys to assume this caricature of an identity stunts their emotional, social, and personal growth, shutting off their relationships with friends, romantic partners, and themselves. It causes them to lag in school because being a “Try Hard” is unmanly; it pushes them to rely on destructive emotional coping mechanisms like alcohol and substance abuse, and it makes anger – one of the least healthy and most difficult emotions to manage – the only emotional response they are allowed to have. At worst, hypermasculinity can even be deadly: because men don’t seek help as readily as women, they die earlier, and men are 4 times as likely to take their own life and much more likely to succeed when they do attempt suicide.
Raising Children With Emotional Honesty
So what can you do as a parent to counteract this dangerous cultural construct of hypermasculinity? There are a number of tips to keep in mind.
- Talk & Listen: In parenting as in life, few things are as important as communication. When raising a child, you’ll want to encourage them to communicate their feelings to you openly and honestly – then work hard to listen and understand what they are communicating. As boys age and fall more under the influence of cultural stereotypes around masculinity, this will get more difficult, but it’s the only way to keep their emotional communication mechanisms strong.
- Model Healthy Behavior: Talking is important, but it’s true what they say: actions speak louder than words. To really learn the behavior, they will need to see you model emotional honesty. To encourage this, you will want to make “I Statements” and communications about your feelings and emotions a regular part of your vocabulary.
- Teach Them That Getting Help Is Ok: Emotional honesty isn’t just about communication, and reaching out is a key part of being a healthy adult. Teach your child that despite what many may say, reaching out for support doesn’t make them any less of a “real man” and it’s a healthy way to cope with emotions and deepen relationships.
Contact Your Hermosa Beach, CA Therapist
As always, if you have any questions, want to talk more about raising your child, or wish to come in for therapy for yourself or your child, I’m always here to help. You can call me at (310) 892-2572, reach out at my contact page, or schedule your next appointment online. I look forward to hearing from you and I hope you have found this article helpful – and I wish you luck in raising your child to be an emotionally honest, stable, and well-rounded man!
Sources
http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/why-men-often-die-earlier-than-women-201602199137